1. Sleeping. At random times during the day I’ll think about hiding in my bed under my blankets and enjoying an uninterrupted sleep for as long as I darn well please. When you’re a mom with young kids, sleep is as desirable as relaxing on a tropical island beach. Especially sleep that involves the kids sleeping in their own beds (NOT wanting to sleep between mommy and daddy, pushing you to the very edge and getting kicked throughout the night).
2. Snuggling under a blanket with a book, in a clean room with candles lit. I have a huge stack of books I’ve been wanting to read for the longest time, but by the time I’m done reading Dora and Fancy Nancy and Curious George books to the kids and then finally get them to sleep each night, I’m so tired that I end up just flipping through one or two and then turning off the light.
3. The kids getting along for an entire day. Notice a theme of peace and quiet here? A typical day involves lots of everything with the kids – laughter, playing, running around, then of course – fighting. Usually it’s Thor pulling Heidi’s hair or driving his toy cars into her princess castle followed by crying, calls for “Mom!” and footsteps running my way. Other times it’s both of them hitting each other and then crying, calls for “Mom!” and even more footsteps running my way. How nice it would be to see them enjoying each other’s company for an entire day. A mom can dream…
4. The entire house being clean at one time. Not just part of it. I think a cleaning company used this as a selling point for their business. They know. I can spend hours cleaning up the house and by the time I finish one area and move on to the next, the first area is getting messed up again! I don’t think the whole house has ever been truly clean and organized. I keep working toward that goal, though, as if someday I’ll be supermom and will make it happen regardless!
5. Winning the lottery. Don’t get me wrong. I’m thankful for all I have and realize I do have a lot. But it’s still fun to fantasize about what I’d do if I won a million dollars. (I’d rather win a million dollars than a hundred million. One million would improve the life I have. A hundred million would completely change it – and not necessarily for the better, I believe.) If I got a big chunk of money, I’d use it to do all the things we haven’t been able to do – fix up and improve our house, travel (take the kids to Disneyworld for the first time!), give more to charities, help family and friends, and probably start a business or two. I’d probably still clip coupons and shop at thrift stores though (I’m a deal-seeker at heart!).
6. Accomplishing my personal goals now, and not having to wait until I’m older, the kids have grown, and as my mom keeps telling me, “I’ll have more time for all that.” I have a lot of personal goals, including recording my original music (I’ve always composed music and have music on one CD so far), and doing more with this website, and I want to accomplish them NOW, but they keep getting pushed aside in my daily busy life as a mom. I know other moms in the same boat. While motherhood is wonderful, rewarding and important, and my kids come first, I wish that I could find a balance between work, family and my own interests and goals. It’s tough. Sometimes it’s insanely frustrating. I just want to think of my own hopes and dreams, then I instinctively kick myself as if doing so as a mom is wrong. Though I know it isn’t. Moms have a lot to offer to the world in many ways, and it’s hard trying to achieve it all.
7. Being able to eat a big, indulgent, high-calorie dessert and not feeling guilty or remorseful about it. I admit it. I eat treats every day. Little ones usually, but with the overwhelming overabundance of sugar around me everywhere I go (work, the store, etc.), I can’t avoid treats altogether. I just wish I could eat them without thinking “This is wrong. I shouldn’t eat it. I’m trying to LOSE a few pounds, not gain some! But it’s so good! Ok, just a little bit more. Damn! I need to fit in a workout later to burn this off. Well that’s not gonna happen. I’m so freakin’ tired today. Ugh! Ok, tomorrow.”
8. Fitting into my pre-pregnancy clothes again. Okay, I know #7 and #8 do not work well together. But I have the cutest clothes from before I had kids that are still in my closet because I love them and hope to fit in them again someday. Maybe that will never happen. Maybe my hips are bigger and my frame has changed enough from childbirth to permanently be up a size from before, but I keep dreaming. I love those jeans, gosh darnit!
9. Getting back my pre-mommy brain. I’ve read about mommy brain as an actual scientific phenomenon. Moms KNOW what I’m talking about. That spacey, scatterbrained state that comes on during pregnancy and you wonder if it ever really goes away. I think the chronic sleep deprivation (including decreased sleep quality as I’m being kicked by my 5-year-old at night) may be keeping the mommy brain thing around longer than I’d like. That plus all the multitasking and information overload that moms deal with. Sometimes I wonder if people think I’m actually dumber than I was before I had kids (I know I’m not! I just feel that way…). Supposedly my brain is probably bigger and more developed than before, according to a WebMD article. I’m probably the one mom who’s the exception to this. (Now – what was I talking about?)
10. Having my act together. I already mentioned the whole work, family, etc. balance struggle. I’m still working on that and probably always will. I just don’t get everything done like I want to. Everything’s a “partial” in my life. The house is partially under control – it’s clean but messy. My health is partially under control – I exercise regularly but still have 10 pounds to lose. (Check out my post “Ten Reasons I Haven’t Lost those Extra 10 Pregnancy Pounds.”) My relationships are partially maintained – I keep in contact with everyone who matters to me, but wish I could be with them and chat with them much more often. You know. It’s the infamous mommy dilemma. We all can fake having it all figured out, but we know we stumble, forget things and could do better.